Importance of Family in the Game of Life
2/7/2019 3:25:00 PM | Women's Basketball, Student Athlete, Features
Lehigh women's basketball is hosting its Play4Kay game this Saturday as it welcomes Boston University at 2 p.m. Play4Kay is an initiative to raise awareness and money for the fight against cancer. The Mountain Hawks are raising money for the Play4Kay foundation through the Play4Kay free throw challenge in the month of February, and are hoping to be one of the top fundraisers for the event. To pledge and donate, please click here.
Â
This year, the event is extra meaningful for the program, as displayed in the below story about sophomore Mariah Sexe.
By: Justin Lafleur, Lehigh Sports Communications
Â
"Cancer changes people. It sculpts us into someone who understands more deeply, hurts more often, appreciates more quickly, cries more easily, hopes more desperately, loves more openly and lives more passionately."
Â
In October of 2017, Mariah Sexe's life changed when her mother Angie was diagnosed with a rare form of endometrial cancer.
Â
The battle lasted more than a year, but Angie passed away this past November.
Â
"Angie's death was very difficult for everyone," said Lehigh head coach Sue Troyan. "We talk a lot about the importance of family in our program; when something like this occurs, you get to see this impact first-hand. It was very hard to see someone so vibrant and young taken from the world, and hard to see a member of our Lehigh family have her mom taken from her at such a young age.
Â
"Mariah has been a source of strength to everyone through all of the pain, hurt and loss that has occurred, in large part to the strength that her mom imparted on her. I'm proud of how our players have responded to this situation; it has put the game of basketball in perspective, as well as the importance of life and family."
Â
Family is a powerful word, in most contexts describing relatives, but often referring to a close group of people within a sports team who care deeply for one another.
Â
Cancer changes people, and Mariah's story has undoubtedly changed the entire Lehigh women's basketball program.
Â
Initial Diagnosis
Mariah found out about her mom's diagnosis during fall break of her freshman year.
Â
"All my siblings had known about my mom's diagnosis before me because my parents wanted to tell me in person," said Mariah, who lives in Minnesota. "It was the last thing I expected to hear coming home for break, and I was shocked and immediately terrified. There was a lot of hope in our family, however, as her scheduled hysterectomy was supposed to have an 80 percent success rate, meaning she most likely would only need to have surgery to treat her cancer."
Â
Mariah's mother was originally diagnosed with endometrial cancer, but was advised to treat her cancer with more than just surgery, and start chemotherapy and radiation as more of a precaution.
Â
"My parents went to the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota for a second opinion," said Mariah. "They advised only radiation would be needed. They did, however, say they had only seen around 30 cases of my mom's type of cancer cells. Her cancer contained an extremely rare mutation and was made up of mesonephric cells. This specific type of cell hardly had any research on what treatments were best to stop its growth."
Â
As time went on, it was clear that Angie's treatment with chemo and radiation wasn't working.
Â
"After she had three rounds of chemotherapy and around 20 rounds of radiation, the cancer was still present and her doctors decided to stick with chemotherapy only," said Mariah.
Â
Later that spring, Angie went to an emergency room due to severe stomach pain.
Â
"After scans, the doctors told her the cancer had spread to the lining of her stomach (omentum)," said Mariah. "Since she had been on treatment for a while and the cancer was still spreading, we became more worried. My dad, mom, and sister (who is a nurse) then went to Sloan Kettering of New York in June to get a third opinion on treatment plans. They ran their own tests and confirmed the rare type of cell that my mom had. They recommended the same chemotherapy that my mom was currently on, as well as a biodrug."
Â
Difficult Summer
The summer was difficult, as Mariah's mother tried a biodrug and another type of chemotherapy.
Â
"My mom lost around 50 pounds and was really struggling to eat sufficiently. Thankfully, I got to stay home all summer and went with her to a lot of treatment appointments."
Â
Lehigh women's basketball was on campus as a team during the second summer session, but focus for Mariah should have been – and was – on being there for her mother.
Â
"The most important area for our program was providing an environment of support for Mariah and making sure she had access to see her family and spend important time with her mom," said Troyan. "Mariah chose to spend this past summer at home; we were 100 percent supportive and encouraging of her. This (2018-19) season, we set up a schedule with periodic breaks through our competitive schedule, for Mariah to get home to see her mom."
Â
As Mariah was getting ready to come back to Lehigh in August, things weren't improving.
Â
"She was still on chemotherapy and was on something called TPN, which helped her get nutrients and calories," said Mariah. "However, the cancer was still slowly spreading and some cancerous cells were being found in other organs. I came home almost every month this past fall. I had not planned to come home for Thanksgiving, as our team hosts a tournament, but decided to fly home last minute. When I got home on the Tuesday before Thanksgiving, my mom was hospitalized a couple hours later for low levels of bilirubin in her liver. The doctors said that none of the treatments had worked, and that the cancer had continued to spread to other organs."
Â
"This is when we decided to stop her treatment and put her on hospice, and she passed a week after Thanksgiving Day."
Â
Devastation
During such a difficult time like losing a loved one, every gesture makes a difference.
Â
"Ten of my teammates (and three of my coaches) came to my mom's visitation and funeral," said Mariah. "They missed a practice for it and all flew out to Minnesota. The support blew me away. I haven't had a typical college experience or college basketball experience, and often felt guilty when I had to miss things even though I was doing it for my mom, but I never felt judged or any less a part of the team. They all understood and continue to understand. My teammates mean so much to me."
Â
"Our coaching staff felt very strongly about being there for Mariah and her family, during what we knew would be a challenging time for all of them," said Troyan. "To have 10 players also make the decision to fly out to Minnesota for the funeral, in the middle of our competitive season and one week prior to final exams starting, truly showed the impact that Mariah and her mom have had on our program. It also speaks volumes of who our student-athletes are as people, and their care and love for one another."
Â
Dealing with Angie's cancer was challenging enough, but things would get worse. While Mariah's family was still grieving Angie's passing, Mariah's grandfather passed away as well… also from cancer.
Â
"To be honest, what my family has dealt with this past year has been a nightmare," said Mariah. "This fall, my grandfather (my mom's father) was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. He was extremely healthy before the diagnosis, and had been having some minor health problems, but none of my family expected this. After his diagnosis, he was told he would have around two or three months left to live.
Â
"At this point, no one in my family would ever have guessed that my mom would pass before my grandpa, as she had not been given a 'timeline' like he had. However, with the quick turn of events during Thanksgiving, my mom passed before my grandpa. My grandpa then passed almost exactly a month later, right after Christmas."
Â
Remembering Her Mother and Grandfather
From a young age, Mariah was extremely close with her mom.
Â
"I talked to her almost every day on FaceTime; the hardest thing I've ever had to do was continue attending Lehigh when my mom was sick in Minnesota," said Mariah. "She was the person I felt most comfortable with and who knew me better than anyone. I really would tell her everything, and she always knew the right response. She was such an amazing mom to me and all of my siblings, always putting us first no matter what. When I was little, she was a stay-at-home mom. Instead of going to preschool, I stayed home with my mom and would follow her wherever she went.
Â
"My mom and I had fun together and laughed a lot. She taught me more than any school or book could. She is someone I aspire to be in every aspect, as a person, mom, wife, sister and friend."
Â
The month following her mom's death, Mariah spent a lot of time with her grandparents.
Â
"My grandpa was very similar to my mom, an extremely kind man who everyone loved and wanted to be like when they grew up," said Mariah. "He was a barber and has cut almost everyone's hair in my extended family. After he and my grandma retired, they settled at our cabin in northern Wisconsin and lived to host and provide for anyone and everyone. Our cabin will always and forever be my favorite place on earth; because of my grandparents, it embodies home, comfort and peace. My grandpa was also extremely selfless, as he spent a lot of his retired time volunteering at a local food shelf.
Â
"A memory I love to tell people is that he would teach my cousins and I to drive," Mariah continued. "Once we turned 12, our driving lessons began, as he took us through rural Wisconsin driving on dirt roads. He ended up teaching us a lot more than driving, though."
Â
Shortly after her grandfather's diagnosis, Mariah's brother-in-law was diagnosed with testicular cancer.
Â
"My brother-in-law is extremely healthy and fit, so this diagnosis was once again a shock," said Mariah. "He is our saving grace, however, as he had surgery and as of now needs no further treatment. He just had tests done in January and everything came back negative, so we are so thankful."
Â
Coming Back to Lehigh
Mariah admits she doubted whether or not she wanted to return to Lehigh.
Â
"Lehigh is so far away from home and I didn't know if I could handle being away from my family," said Mariah. "Coach Troyan told me that whatever decision I made was a good one, and that she would support me no matter what."
Â
In the end, Mariah knew she would be leaving her biological family, but was always a plane ride away. Plus, knowing the Lehigh family was there for her brought a sense of comfort.
Â
"Since I decided to come back and have been back, Coach Troyan has been so patient with me as I get back into the swing of things with basketball and school," said Mariah. "The biggest thing that she has given me, however, is love and understanding. I truly know she is here for me and have known that since the beginning. It was never something she felt like she should do; it was something she wanted to do as she cares for who I am as a person.
Â
"To this day, I strongly believe Coach would do anything she could to help me, and that means the world to me," Mariah continued. "I would not have been able to come back to Lehigh if I didn't have another family here."
Â
That family includes coaches and teammates, who have been with her – and will continue to be with her – every step of the way.
Â
"Texts and calls to check in are extremely important, along with the little things that make her life easier," said junior Hannah Hedstrom. "Those who had courses with her made sure she was up-to-date with notes. Because I live in Minnesota as well, for Christmas break I was able to bring back a suitcase full of clothes she needed. I also think we as a team have done a good job of just meeting Mariah wherever she is – when she was ready to come back to basketball, we welcomed her with open and excited arms, but we also were totally okay with her taking as much time as needed. We've rallied around her in being a support system while she's away from home."
Â
That support system may be needed some days more than others, but knowing that it's there is something Mariah doesn't take for granted.
Â
"I have good days, but a lot of bad days. However, I am so thankful that I am surrounded by positive, supportive and loving people," said Mariah. "Although it is hard to be away from my family, I feel lucky to still play Division I basketball and be able to study at such an amazing university. Being busy helps me a lot, and seeing my teammates lifts me up and distracts me from negative thoughts.
Â
"The game after my mom passed, my teammates wore their hair like I always do (with a braid) and wrote 'AC' and '#34' on their shoes. It meant a lot to my family, who watches almost every game. The fact that I have such a great support system here not only means the world to me, but also to my entire family."
Â
Play4Kay's Meaning
An event like Play4Kay is now even more meaningful, and emotional, for Mariah and all her teammates.
Â
"Last year my mom was at the Play4Kay game, and I got to do a really nice tribute video for her," said Mariah. "This year, it is way too fresh for me to keep it together on camera, but I still will be honoring her in every way. My dad and brother will be at the game, which also means a lot. I know my mom wanted to see me play in person one more time and did not get the chance to, so this game is really important to me. I always played for her, as I wanted to do everything I could to distract her from the nightmare she was living."
Â
That nightmare is felt by more than just the cancer patient. As Terri Clark said, "When someone has cancer, the whole family and everyone who loves them does, too."
Â
"I am in awe of Mariah's strength," said Hedstrom. "She really has given us all perspective that in sports, you might have a bad day at practice or a bad game, but when it comes down to it, we have a family of teammates and coaches that care about you for so much more than just as a basketball player. That's much more important. The Play4Kay game will be extremely meaningful because so much has changed for her since last year's game."
Â
Cancer changes people in so many ways, both directly and indirectly.
Â
"My entire family – immediate and extended – and I definitely realized that it's important to cherish every moment, as none of us would have imagined that we would lose our mom/wife/sister/daughter/aunt," said Mariah. "We did not leave her side during the last week of her life. We found strength in each other and continue to try to live as my mom would have wanted us.
Â
"When my siblings and I were little, my mom would always sing the song 'You Are My
Sunshine.' She is now our eternal sunshine and always will be."
Â
Saturday's Play4Kay game will be emotional, but Mariah hopes it will also be happy, fun and a way to honor and pay tribute to her mother.
Â
"I will continue to do everything with her in mind, in hopes that I continue to make her proud. Although my mom won't be there in person on Saturday, I know she will still be there.
Â
"I just know she wouldn't miss it."
Â
Â
This year, the event is extra meaningful for the program, as displayed in the below story about sophomore Mariah Sexe.
By: Justin Lafleur, Lehigh Sports Communications
Â
"Cancer changes people. It sculpts us into someone who understands more deeply, hurts more often, appreciates more quickly, cries more easily, hopes more desperately, loves more openly and lives more passionately."
Â
In October of 2017, Mariah Sexe's life changed when her mother Angie was diagnosed with a rare form of endometrial cancer.
Â
The battle lasted more than a year, but Angie passed away this past November.
Â
"Angie's death was very difficult for everyone," said Lehigh head coach Sue Troyan. "We talk a lot about the importance of family in our program; when something like this occurs, you get to see this impact first-hand. It was very hard to see someone so vibrant and young taken from the world, and hard to see a member of our Lehigh family have her mom taken from her at such a young age.
Â
"Mariah has been a source of strength to everyone through all of the pain, hurt and loss that has occurred, in large part to the strength that her mom imparted on her. I'm proud of how our players have responded to this situation; it has put the game of basketball in perspective, as well as the importance of life and family."
Â
Family is a powerful word, in most contexts describing relatives, but often referring to a close group of people within a sports team who care deeply for one another.
Â
Cancer changes people, and Mariah's story has undoubtedly changed the entire Lehigh women's basketball program.
Â
Initial Diagnosis
Mariah found out about her mom's diagnosis during fall break of her freshman year.
Â
"All my siblings had known about my mom's diagnosis before me because my parents wanted to tell me in person," said Mariah, who lives in Minnesota. "It was the last thing I expected to hear coming home for break, and I was shocked and immediately terrified. There was a lot of hope in our family, however, as her scheduled hysterectomy was supposed to have an 80 percent success rate, meaning she most likely would only need to have surgery to treat her cancer."
Â
Mariah's mother was originally diagnosed with endometrial cancer, but was advised to treat her cancer with more than just surgery, and start chemotherapy and radiation as more of a precaution.
Â
"My parents went to the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota for a second opinion," said Mariah. "They advised only radiation would be needed. They did, however, say they had only seen around 30 cases of my mom's type of cancer cells. Her cancer contained an extremely rare mutation and was made up of mesonephric cells. This specific type of cell hardly had any research on what treatments were best to stop its growth."
Â
As time went on, it was clear that Angie's treatment with chemo and radiation wasn't working.
Â
"After she had three rounds of chemotherapy and around 20 rounds of radiation, the cancer was still present and her doctors decided to stick with chemotherapy only," said Mariah.
Â
Later that spring, Angie went to an emergency room due to severe stomach pain.
Â
"After scans, the doctors told her the cancer had spread to the lining of her stomach (omentum)," said Mariah. "Since she had been on treatment for a while and the cancer was still spreading, we became more worried. My dad, mom, and sister (who is a nurse) then went to Sloan Kettering of New York in June to get a third opinion on treatment plans. They ran their own tests and confirmed the rare type of cell that my mom had. They recommended the same chemotherapy that my mom was currently on, as well as a biodrug."
Â
Difficult Summer
The summer was difficult, as Mariah's mother tried a biodrug and another type of chemotherapy.
Â
"My mom lost around 50 pounds and was really struggling to eat sufficiently. Thankfully, I got to stay home all summer and went with her to a lot of treatment appointments."
Â
Lehigh women's basketball was on campus as a team during the second summer session, but focus for Mariah should have been – and was – on being there for her mother.
 "The most important area for our program was providing an environment of support for Mariah and making sure she had access to see her family and spend important time with her mom," said Troyan. "Mariah chose to spend this past summer at home; we were 100 percent supportive and encouraging of her. This (2018-19) season, we set up a schedule with periodic breaks through our competitive schedule, for Mariah to get home to see her mom."
Â
As Mariah was getting ready to come back to Lehigh in August, things weren't improving.
Â
"She was still on chemotherapy and was on something called TPN, which helped her get nutrients and calories," said Mariah. "However, the cancer was still slowly spreading and some cancerous cells were being found in other organs. I came home almost every month this past fall. I had not planned to come home for Thanksgiving, as our team hosts a tournament, but decided to fly home last minute. When I got home on the Tuesday before Thanksgiving, my mom was hospitalized a couple hours later for low levels of bilirubin in her liver. The doctors said that none of the treatments had worked, and that the cancer had continued to spread to other organs."
Â
"This is when we decided to stop her treatment and put her on hospice, and she passed a week after Thanksgiving Day."
Â
Devastation
During such a difficult time like losing a loved one, every gesture makes a difference.
Â
"Ten of my teammates (and three of my coaches) came to my mom's visitation and funeral," said Mariah. "They missed a practice for it and all flew out to Minnesota. The support blew me away. I haven't had a typical college experience or college basketball experience, and often felt guilty when I had to miss things even though I was doing it for my mom, but I never felt judged or any less a part of the team. They all understood and continue to understand. My teammates mean so much to me."
Â
"Our coaching staff felt very strongly about being there for Mariah and her family, during what we knew would be a challenging time for all of them," said Troyan. "To have 10 players also make the decision to fly out to Minnesota for the funeral, in the middle of our competitive season and one week prior to final exams starting, truly showed the impact that Mariah and her mom have had on our program. It also speaks volumes of who our student-athletes are as people, and their care and love for one another."
Â
Dealing with Angie's cancer was challenging enough, but things would get worse. While Mariah's family was still grieving Angie's passing, Mariah's grandfather passed away as well… also from cancer.
Â
"To be honest, what my family has dealt with this past year has been a nightmare," said Mariah. "This fall, my grandfather (my mom's father) was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. He was extremely healthy before the diagnosis, and had been having some minor health problems, but none of my family expected this. After his diagnosis, he was told he would have around two or three months left to live.
Â
"At this point, no one in my family would ever have guessed that my mom would pass before my grandpa, as she had not been given a 'timeline' like he had. However, with the quick turn of events during Thanksgiving, my mom passed before my grandpa. My grandpa then passed almost exactly a month later, right after Christmas."
Â
Remembering Her Mother and Grandfather
From a young age, Mariah was extremely close with her mom.
 "I talked to her almost every day on FaceTime; the hardest thing I've ever had to do was continue attending Lehigh when my mom was sick in Minnesota," said Mariah. "She was the person I felt most comfortable with and who knew me better than anyone. I really would tell her everything, and she always knew the right response. She was such an amazing mom to me and all of my siblings, always putting us first no matter what. When I was little, she was a stay-at-home mom. Instead of going to preschool, I stayed home with my mom and would follow her wherever she went.
Â
"My mom and I had fun together and laughed a lot. She taught me more than any school or book could. She is someone I aspire to be in every aspect, as a person, mom, wife, sister and friend."
Â
The month following her mom's death, Mariah spent a lot of time with her grandparents.
Â
"My grandpa was very similar to my mom, an extremely kind man who everyone loved and wanted to be like when they grew up," said Mariah. "He was a barber and has cut almost everyone's hair in my extended family. After he and my grandma retired, they settled at our cabin in northern Wisconsin and lived to host and provide for anyone and everyone. Our cabin will always and forever be my favorite place on earth; because of my grandparents, it embodies home, comfort and peace. My grandpa was also extremely selfless, as he spent a lot of his retired time volunteering at a local food shelf.
 "A memory I love to tell people is that he would teach my cousins and I to drive," Mariah continued. "Once we turned 12, our driving lessons began, as he took us through rural Wisconsin driving on dirt roads. He ended up teaching us a lot more than driving, though."
Â
Shortly after her grandfather's diagnosis, Mariah's brother-in-law was diagnosed with testicular cancer.
Â
"My brother-in-law is extremely healthy and fit, so this diagnosis was once again a shock," said Mariah. "He is our saving grace, however, as he had surgery and as of now needs no further treatment. He just had tests done in January and everything came back negative, so we are so thankful."
Â
Coming Back to Lehigh
Mariah admits she doubted whether or not she wanted to return to Lehigh.
Â
"Lehigh is so far away from home and I didn't know if I could handle being away from my family," said Mariah. "Coach Troyan told me that whatever decision I made was a good one, and that she would support me no matter what."
Â
In the end, Mariah knew she would be leaving her biological family, but was always a plane ride away. Plus, knowing the Lehigh family was there for her brought a sense of comfort.
Â
"Since I decided to come back and have been back, Coach Troyan has been so patient with me as I get back into the swing of things with basketball and school," said Mariah. "The biggest thing that she has given me, however, is love and understanding. I truly know she is here for me and have known that since the beginning. It was never something she felt like she should do; it was something she wanted to do as she cares for who I am as a person.
Â
"To this day, I strongly believe Coach would do anything she could to help me, and that means the world to me," Mariah continued. "I would not have been able to come back to Lehigh if I didn't have another family here."
Â
That family includes coaches and teammates, who have been with her – and will continue to be with her – every step of the way.
Â
"Texts and calls to check in are extremely important, along with the little things that make her life easier," said junior Hannah Hedstrom. "Those who had courses with her made sure she was up-to-date with notes. Because I live in Minnesota as well, for Christmas break I was able to bring back a suitcase full of clothes she needed. I also think we as a team have done a good job of just meeting Mariah wherever she is – when she was ready to come back to basketball, we welcomed her with open and excited arms, but we also were totally okay with her taking as much time as needed. We've rallied around her in being a support system while she's away from home."
Â
That support system may be needed some days more than others, but knowing that it's there is something Mariah doesn't take for granted.
Â
"I have good days, but a lot of bad days. However, I am so thankful that I am surrounded by positive, supportive and loving people," said Mariah. "Although it is hard to be away from my family, I feel lucky to still play Division I basketball and be able to study at such an amazing university. Being busy helps me a lot, and seeing my teammates lifts me up and distracts me from negative thoughts.
Â
"The game after my mom passed, my teammates wore their hair like I always do (with a braid) and wrote 'AC' and '#34' on their shoes. It meant a lot to my family, who watches almost every game. The fact that I have such a great support system here not only means the world to me, but also to my entire family."
Â
Play4Kay's Meaning
An event like Play4Kay is now even more meaningful, and emotional, for Mariah and all her teammates.
Â
"Last year my mom was at the Play4Kay game, and I got to do a really nice tribute video for her," said Mariah. "This year, it is way too fresh for me to keep it together on camera, but I still will be honoring her in every way. My dad and brother will be at the game, which also means a lot. I know my mom wanted to see me play in person one more time and did not get the chance to, so this game is really important to me. I always played for her, as I wanted to do everything I could to distract her from the nightmare she was living."
Â
That nightmare is felt by more than just the cancer patient. As Terri Clark said, "When someone has cancer, the whole family and everyone who loves them does, too."
 "I am in awe of Mariah's strength," said Hedstrom. "She really has given us all perspective that in sports, you might have a bad day at practice or a bad game, but when it comes down to it, we have a family of teammates and coaches that care about you for so much more than just as a basketball player. That's much more important. The Play4Kay game will be extremely meaningful because so much has changed for her since last year's game."
Â
Cancer changes people in so many ways, both directly and indirectly.
Â
"My entire family – immediate and extended – and I definitely realized that it's important to cherish every moment, as none of us would have imagined that we would lose our mom/wife/sister/daughter/aunt," said Mariah. "We did not leave her side during the last week of her life. We found strength in each other and continue to try to live as my mom would have wanted us.
Â
"When my siblings and I were little, my mom would always sing the song 'You Are My
Sunshine.' She is now our eternal sunshine and always will be."
Â
Saturday's Play4Kay game will be emotional, but Mariah hopes it will also be happy, fun and a way to honor and pay tribute to her mother.
Â
"I will continue to do everything with her in mind, in hopes that I continue to make her proud. Although my mom won't be there in person on Saturday, I know she will still be there.
Â
"I just know she wouldn't miss it."
Â
Players Mentioned
G
/ Women's Basketball
F
/ Women's BasketballChasing Greatness: The Road to the Patriot League Title - Part 2
Thursday, May 15
Chasing Greatness: The Road to the Patriot League Title - Part 1
Wednesday, May 14
Lehigh Sports Central: Women's Basketball
Wednesday, March 19
Lehigh Sports Central: Women's Basketball
Wednesday, January 29
